I, Amsterdam

So it was spring break; 10 days off with no plans. All it took was a light kebab lunch for us to decide: we gotta go to Amsterdam.

So we booked it. After a few days of trekking to Spanish beaches and lying along Sevillan rivers, we took two buses, a plane, a train, another bus, and a tram and ended up in the general area of our Amsterdam hostel.

Que my very erroneous belief that I can figure out words in any language through phonics: "Could you tell me where [Court Leeds-ed-war-strat] is?"

"LOL oh Korte Leidsedwarsstraat, of course."

Not to mention our hostel was called "Leidseplein" and we were referring to it as "Led Zeppelin."

At least Dutch people are so nice. There's not time to be mean in their language because words just have too many random assortments of letters that there's no breath to fight with. Or the fact that their whole culture is based around sex, drugs, and rock and roll. We got off the plane with a group of 4 men with choppy haircuts and black studded jackets, walked through the red light district to indulge in a space brownie.

Basically.

So after getting that out of our system, we figured we should get some sort of idea as to what we would spend the next three days doing without burning a hole in our pockets on absolutely nothing [of sustainability.]

Luckily, I stumbled upon the Amsterdam key which provided us access into over 100 attractions, museum, and offers in the city in addition to a 48 hour tram pass.

FIRST STOP: VAN GOGH.

The man I wanted to see ever since I had taken art in Paris, where I had been face to face with some of the absolute most legendary faces of art. But an entire Van Gogh museum? Nothing like that in Paris with all that David running around.

Like I said, Van Gogh. What a guy. He did, after all, cut off his ear for his lover, who may or may not have been a man and art partner, Gaugin. Just sayin', when you live and paint together, sparks fly. And I support. The reason his museum is in Amsterdam is perhaps due to the liberal nature of the city and the controversy surrounding both artists and their mental states, sexual orientations, and methods of art.

Personally, I love it. Van Gogh was one to push the envelope with his style of painting during the realist movement. Instead of portraying things as they are, he chose to portray things through evoking feelings.

Only illegal to take photos if you use the flash (or get caught.)

My favorite painting, Skull Smoking A Cigarette, wasn't supposed to be an anti smoking campaign, but rather a way for him to express the death of artistic freedom through taking formal lessons, as he did not.

BRILLIANT.

Much more famous and recently seen by my own two eyes in Paris (I get around A LOT), is The Bedroom. The bed is outrageously too large in his attempt to accentuate the importance of sleep. Even though I find it ugly ass Hell, I can give him props for trying and his reasoning for it. I'm a fan, Van Gogh.

And that was just the first stop!

We also went to the zoo, several other photography galleries, got a free singing pen from the Heineken store, saw the oldest church in the Netherlands (which was filled with creepy Illuminati like art), and deemed ourselves Amsterdam.

It looked so good I forgot to take a picture before it was half consumed.

In the event in which I make a travel guide for Amsterdam, I would put the Van Gogh museum first and Burger Bar second. Burger Bar exactly what it seems like it would be: place where very hungry young people can go and indulge in the most delectable of handheld foods on either side of the Atlantic Ocean.

If I were a dude, I'd skip the hooker and go right for the explosion of pleasure provided by Burger Bar.

I am so serious.

space brownie.

The first time we went, I got the single burger with cheese, avocado, jalapeños. It is absolutely phenomenal, and was definitely our go-to spot before we discovered Wok to Walk and then had to leave. Had I been there more than four days, I would definitely have gained my weight in Burger Bar concoctions.

The only other food I could recommend would be Baba's space brownies. Good price and very unsuspecting taste. Oh, and you have to be at least 18 to eat it.

So besides the food, the hookers, and the art, the city is beautiful. It is situated in its own coordinates shared with several canals and bridges.

I love bridges.

They don't quite provide the same splendor as the Brooklyn Bridge or the Verrazano, but it's still cute.

bike racks on bike racks on bike racks

For those of you who have been conscious of origins, our city, New York, was formerly New Amsterdam. I can somewhat see the resemblance. The big difference is the fact that everyone in OG Amsterdam is white, Dutch, and speaks English. Their public transportation is much faster, too. Perhaps because it runs above ground. I don't mean above head, but on street level, right along with the cars. I truly questioned the safety of this, but it works so efficiently that it doesn't even matter.

The other major staple of Old Amsterdam citizenship is bike riding. They love bike riding so much (and avoid cars as much as possible since the tram hogs the road), that they have bike garages in place of parking garages.

And coffeeshops.

Such a happy go lucky place! So easy to navigate as well. When we were looking for Burger Bar our second time with our handy dandy blinking tourist badge (aka- map), a nice man gave us directions by sending us down the street, a left, and into the square that has in the center of is what can only be described as a "giant dildo."

Gotta love the Dutch.